Chel C's

Confessions

I am here tonight to confess my inability to trust in God's plan. I do not understand why some people are not going to be saved and I don't understand why He allows us to go through so much pain and suffering.

I am tired of hurting and stumbling alone. I feel so isolated and so set apart from everyone else. I have no human I can turn to for help, and as a result, I am sinking fast. I can't do this without help...We aren't meant to! This is my cry for help. I don't know what I need, but I know it involves people. I don't want to feel so alone any more. It's like I am dying of loneliness even though I am surrounded by people.

Maybe take some time and set it apart just for me. No boyfriends, no school work, no theology, no problems...Just you spending time with me, listening and advising when relevant. I don't know how to go to someone and ask for help...Just writing this makes m feel weak and lowly, but I know I will not survive if I don't receive some aide...And I cannot hear God right now, so it doesn't help to turn to Him. I need someone else (one of His own) to lead me back to the path, where I can hear Him again.

I am tired of always being in pain and I am tired of suffering and agonizing over the lost. I am sick of my prayers going unanswered or coming back with a 'No' or 'Not right now'. I need someone who can be there for me and help me through this. I need someone who can be self-less for a time and sacrifice themself to get me back on track...

I don't want to live any more...I confess it here and now. I am tired of the unceasing pain and the relentless and overbearing loneliness I have here on Earth. I am well aware of all the treasures and reliefs Heaven and God can provide and I don't know why I am being asked to stay here in this agony...alone...unaided.

The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that people would be saddened if I died (which angers me that people care and yet here I am alone and having no where to turn).

I need hugs and physical contact. I am only human, and this particular human was made with a love for contact and interaction. I am stuck here isolated and utterly alone in the midst of chaos and warfare. Satan is attacking me and I cannot see any relief and surrender is imminent (if backup does not arrive).

I just want the pain to stop!! If it isn't one disorder it is another and the pain won't go away...I am writing this in tears with nausea and waves of pain gripping me...and I JUST WANT IT TO STOP!!

I want my earthly caretaker to appear and hold me like he's never going to let go and then be there for me to lean on...Because your spouse is that one person you can always go to no matter what. Roommates get boyfriends and deadlines, friends have family and other problems but your spouse has committed to being there for you and I NEED SOMEONE COMMITTED TO BEING THERE FOR ME...

I'm not going to make it much longer. God blessed me when He sent me Austin, because I get up in the morning for him. I want to see who he becomes.

Life sucks...It is painful, and lonely and there is no relief and no hope...I know those words are not true, but right now I cannot feel it and it gets harder and harder every day to hold on to something as truth when it doesn't feel like truth.

I confess that I am weak, and I am falling and I cannot do this alone. I need help and I need it now and in a BIG way.

posted by Chelsea Norris @ 12:08 AM