Chel C's

Here I am...but it's not my home

I am here, that place I used to call my home...but it's not my home anymore. The same people are here (though they have grown and changed some), and the animals are the same (although one of them has grown...but she's a puppy and that's what they do). Even the stuff is the same (even if there is a ton more of it). But the feeling isn't the same, I don't fit in here, and I don't feel safe. This used to be my safe haven...my escape. I would come here when things got rough. I could count on this place and the people in it to be there for me. But lately, I have realized how alone I really am. My parents don't believe my pain is real (they still make me feel like I am making it up, which makes me try to hide it...and that makes it worse...which starts the cycle over again). It hurts, my heart as much as the rest of my body, and I don't know how I am going to make it this summer. I do realize that God is teaching me a lesson, one which I need to learn...This isn't my home, because my home is with Him. I have become too comfortable here with the guys, and I have been taking for granted the safety they have provided. My list of things God and I are going to be working on is getting longer with each day...but I am going to do my best, and rely on Him who made me to fix me.

I need:

Patience, Trust, Strength, Knowledge, Guidance, Hope, Help, Self-esteem...The list goes on and on. I am ever amazed that He loves me anyway, even though I am so needy.

>>>Current mood: Weary and achy...but I'm doing ok.

posted by Chelsea Norris @ 1:11 AM